Placemat on a Dinosaur
Growing up, when my extended family got together we got into fights. We’d gather, set potluck dishes anywhere they’d fit, maybe even watch a little of the holiday parade on TV while we waited for everyone to show up. Then we’d line up to fill out plates and settle at various tables. And sometime before the end of dinner the shouting match would start. If you’d watched the proceedings carefully, you could sense who was going to be the one to blow up and who they were going to involve in their rant, and you chose your dinner seat accordingly. Some sat close to the action. This girl? I sat as far away as possible. I used to think we were just dysfunctional, which was the popular term of the time period. In my young mind, we seemed to fit dysfunction like a T.
The turmoil all dates back to some Kung Fu fighting at a wedding before I was born. (My people knew how to make a scene.) Kung Fu was a popular TV show in the ‘70s and many of my family members watched it. Anyway, at the wedding reception, an insult was thown at a family elder. A groomsman stepped up to defend the honor of the elder and produced a high-flying kick that pummeled the insulter in the chest and members of the wedding party started throwing punches and everyone wound up rolling around in the Pennsylvania mud. In the end, the tuxedo rental shop took the clothes back and nobody paid a fee for the extra cleaning.
It was something to grow up in the wake of this. The 1970’s were a different time altogether and shining today’s light on them doesn’t always make sense. Lately, though, I’m reviewing our behavior, and yes, it was deplorable, but it was also very freeing. My family said exactly what they meant and got it all out into the open. There was no sweeping of everything under the rug until the rug looked like a placemat sitting on a dinosaur. They said what they needed and got back to being family.
I’m not, necessarily, saying that everybody should employ this tactic. It took generations of our passionate Mutt-Slovak-German-Russian-Italian-Belgian-Irish heritage get-togethers and venting before we had a system that worked. And let’s not forget that our forebears had Kung Fu to show them the way.
With the holidays coming, there will be lots of expectations and close quarters and overheated rooms and uncomfortable clothes. Despite these things working against us, there will still be incredible forces working for us, of that you can be sure.
When you’re in the thick of it, just remember that it’s rarely so bad that you’ll wind up covered in mud at one of these family functions. But in the event you are, you’re in some good company. And despite the messy appearances, we’re all in your corner, rooting for you.
