Floaters

This is not about spots in your eyes that you need to report to your eye doctor. This is about us. It’s about how we live our lives. It’s about the choices we make (or that are made for us) on a daily basis.

Let’s take a look at our days. On any given day, are you: Going to a ballgame? Going on a first date? Reaching a goal you’ve been striving for? Nice! Chalk these up as Living days.

But what if today is Chore day? And you keep finding more chores to do and you don’t stop to eat or hydrate--and you don’t pick up that phone call from a friend because that will cut into your chore time… Days spent like this can be necessary but if none of this sets you up to have a living day tomorrow then the days are just spent. Not exactly dying, but not living, either. You’ve got to put in the work, but you can chase your tail working in all the wrong directions.

And then, because writers can write in a third option, I’m adding days of Grit. These are days where you know you have to do something and you don’t want to do it, or it’s just not you enough that you grit your teeth to get through the day and you hide inside yourself all day long until it’s done. [Welcome to being an introvert on a social day.] This is what I call floating. Hovering, drifting, floundering. These are days where there’s very little of you in what you’re doing. You do what’s expected of you, but you do it in an untethered, noncommittal way, and you can’t wait until the day is over because the whole thing feels like a waste.

In any given week we alternate through these different modes. Not every day is a vacation day. But all-work-and-no-play days are uninspiring if you’re not really making any progress. And certainly, we’re meant for more than gritting-our-teeth-and-getting-through-it days. Aren’t we?

Aren’t we?

If we’re meant for more--and I think we are--then it’s imperative that we become more than just floaters, just drifters, in our own lives. I’m reminded of the line from the Primitive Radio Gods: Can money pay for all the days I lived awake but half asleep?

“Can money pay for all the days I lived awake but half asleep?”

— Primitive Radio Gods, from the song “Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth with Money in My Hand"

I really can’t say it any better than that.

So, what do we do?

Truth be told, I’m still figuring it out. And I’m open to suggestion. But here’s what I think: We find our reason for being, our raison d’être, and keep it in our line of sight. Then we aim some of our time purposefully each day in our own direction, especially on Chore days or Grit days. With some blessings or magic, or both, our days will not be written off but will stack up for us.

Now, maybe your reason lives deep inside you. Slow down. Concentrate. You’ll find it. Or maybe you haven’t heard your own voice in a long time. It’s there. You know it is. Listen for it.

But more than likely, my dear reader, you know your reason. In fact, you have always known. And your hopes and dreams? They’re all around you, betting on you. For the win.